Paella Mentirosa ala Brighton

(My  quick (not cheap) rice and seafood dish for two that passes for real paella for the uninitiated guest)

Seafood- I usually choose 8 mussels, 8 clams, 12 scallops, small,  firm, mild flavored white fish (cubed), 1 calamari and 8 large shrimp

Rice (use brown rice at your own peril!. A nice Jasmin, basmati or any other good long grain rice will do…) use 1 large coffee mug measure cooked in two and a half mugs of water

Fish broth or clam juice (as back up!)

Half a small bag of mixed frozen veggies

Half a large onion (chopped medium)

4 large cloves of Garlic (chopped small by hand!)

Half a Red Bell pepper (chopped medium)

Paprika (Hungarian and bright orange)

Olive oil (extra virgin)

Vinegar (or white wine)

Saffron (or turmeric if you’re too chicken to steal a little saffron from your trendy local store)

Sauté chopped onion, pepper and garlic (this is your “sofrito”) in a large shallow frying pan, and in a substantial amount of olive oil (This is the base of your broth so use enough oil to cover the sofrito. Careful not to burn garlic! Add onions and peppers first and cook them until soft, then add the garlic and let that cook together for a while longer until the garlic releases its aroma and goldens.  Reduce to medium heat and add salt. Stir. Remove contents from frying pan onto a bowl.

Add a squirt of new olive oil to pan, heat it and add seafood (mussels and clams in their shells (rinsed) shrimp peeled and deveined) stirring all the while. You are in essence simulating stir frying. Once the shrimp shows  traces of golden on its skin and the clam and mussel shells have begun to open, reduce heat. Allow seafood to sweat out  its water.  Pour the sofrito back in at medium heat to release the seafood’s water and form a sort of fluid broth.   Add a little red wine vinegar (not very much) or white wine to the broth for a little tartness.  Add a little paprika now too. The paprika should not burn either!  NOTE: if you did not produce a nice broth in this process and the mix seems dry, add some of the fish broth or clam juice at this stage)

Keep stirring seafood, broth and sofrito to mix all the flavors. Reduce heat some more and cook covered for  5 minutes. (The vinegar and/or wine need to lose their punch and leave nothing but a subtle trace of flavor. The seafood needs to cook but not over-cook. Fish should not fall apart. Shrimp must be curled and the open mussels show a bright yellow color. When this happens, the mix as a whole is done.)

Having cooked the rice separately with the saffron and the vegetables, now gently mix in with the seafood in the large flat frying pan. Use a large cooking wood spoon.  Note: You want the rice to not be cooked mushy. If the rice is mushy it will all become a messy paste once you add it to the seafood. The mix will be moist nevertheless, as this is a “wetish” dish, but the rice must be cooked firm and remain so until mixed.

Serve on the plates yourself with a flat spatula making sure the paella is not overstirred.  Guests can make a mess of this by treating it like some sort of sloppy joe!) Garnish with parsley or cilantro leaves and serve with a good rustic bread and a rioja.

Then have sex.